writing about writing

On a Personal Note

Posted by Flood on June 23, 2006

We scandalized a lot of people when we got married because we were so young. We've scandalized more since, because we've outlasted a lot of them. The way the world works now though, most people aren't grown up at eighteen, so we had to finish raising each other. Mr. was kinda like my father in a lot of ways, even though he will tell you several times in one conversation that he is younger than me by seven months.

Now he is a real dad to four very real children, the eldest of whom just informed me that he bought his father candy for Father's Day. I asked him why, meaning why that candy. Misunderstanding, the boy answered, "Because I got in trouble for only writing Happy Mother's Day on a piece of paper for you." Laugh if you must, I am just going to quietly rejoice at the fact he listened to something his dad said. His dad will be happy that the kid actually parted with his money and spent it on someone else.

Little Puddle of course, has come up with some lovely poetry for her father, as they have been spending quite a bit of time wooing each other of late. Mr. has taken the theory that girls fall in love with their fathers before any other man quite to heart, taking her out for milkshakes and advising on the evils of boys. On Valentine's Day he remembers her with a small bouquet of wildflowers and she gives him a Toblerone bar at Christmas on the sly, so that she will be his favourite. Don't tell her that he told all the other kids to do the same thing.

Of the littlest two children (aged three and four), it will be the first Father's Day celebration for the girl. Like her year older brother, she wants to know if they will get presents today and when they will be having cake. Adoption has made Mr. a better parent in many ways. He tries harder to be empathetic. There is a large gap between two sets of children in our family and he wants to correct his errors in raising the older two. I think Little Puddle and her older brother are turning out great, but Mr. worries. Did I miss something? I was I too hard? Too soft? Could I have done something different or better?

Yesterday at dinner, our youngest boy, four, explained to us that he was going to be a Daddy when he grew up. "I am going to work in a castle," he said, "and drive a white van! Just like Daddy!" The admiration he has for his father should be proof enough that Mr. is doing something right.

My relationship with my father is strained at best. I didn't meet him until I was 15 years old, so we still spend our time trying to get to know each other and avoiding any discussion about how we feel. I never want our kids to feel like that. I want them to know every mistake we made, every misunderstanding, every time they thought we were too strict, it was out of love and terror.

I want Mr. to know, if he reads this, that I would hate life without him. He makes my existence easier and more comfortable. Because of him, I am a better person. I love our vision of the future us. I love the present us and I am grateful for our past. Happy Father's Day, Mr. From all of us.



One Response to “On a Personal Note”

  1. Flood said

    Flood, happy father’s day to Mister. I can’t wait until tomorrow, though. Isn’t it time for a new interview or am I, as usual, confused?
    fringes | Homepage | 06.18.06 – 5:25 pm | #

    Very sweet post. Today I was thinking, likely in an attempt to cheer up my subconscious, “I’m glad I don’t have a real dad, I’m kinda strapped now & having to buy him something would kinda suck.”

    Now I’m feeling slightly remorseful about that and longing for what’s been lost. Not to make you feel bad, just to emphasise the power your words have to move. Mr. sounds great, you’re lucky to have him, and it’s wonderful that you adopted children to share your love with. All 4 kids sound very lucky to have such a loving daddy as Mr..
    Mitch | Homepage | 06.18.06 – 9:09 pm | #

    Gravatar Fringes, interviews are published on Mondays. I will def let Mr know you send him good thoughts.

    Mitch, I used to be sad about not having a Dad in the traditional sense, but becoming a parent made up for a lot in little way. I became a bit more forgiving to my folks, and a bit more aware of the kids’ hopes in a parent. It’s a fine line to walk though and easy to go too much one way or another.
    Anyway, Dads are cheap to buy for, so when you make a Dad for your kids, remember: tie, BBQ paraphenilia, or poem.
    Flood | Homepage | 06.19.06 – 12:28 am | #

    What a lovely tribute to you both!

    Happy Father’s Day, Mr. Flood!
    Jason Evans | Homepage | 06.19.06 – 9:00 am | #

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